


Limericks - Sherlock Holmes

by gardnerhill



Category: Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Canon Era, Community: sherlock60, Gen, Limericks, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 17:29:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9834581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gardnerhill/pseuds/gardnerhill
Summary: Sir Arthur could not be called terse;Wrote much of the chap he would curse –Sixty tales, big and small.Each I’ve summarized, allIn the form of a limerick verse.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My collected limericks for the Livejournal community Sherlock Holmes 60 for 2015 and 2016, as entries for Mrs. Hudson’s Poetry Page. They are presented in order of the story’s appearance in print, titled by their Canon abbreviations. Some stories are represented by more than one limerick; and as Sherlock Holmes 60 broke up the four novels into segments, I wrote limericks for each segment as it was presented each week.

**A STUDY IN SCARLET**

**STUD ch 1-7**

Wounded and sick, full of misery,

Poor Watson says, “Who’ll share his digs with me?”

“…You’re the second today!”

And with those words to say,

Young Stamford makes matchmaking history.

**STUD ch 8-14**

An American tale. Death taints

Hope’s story of life with the Saints:

Two decades’ chase fled,

‘Revenge’ writ in red.

“And the Yard gets the credit,” Holmes plaints.

*******

**SIGN OF THE FOUR**

**SIGN ch 1-4**

A watch and a woman laid bare;

Four pearls, and a father not there.

Bizarre brothers greet

(“Oscar Wilde, nice to meet –”)

Past retold, going to Pondicherr’.

**SIGN ch 5-8**

A death, a small footprint, a creep

Down a wall; this whole case has gone deep.

As your tired face shows

Love has bloomed like a rose,

My friend, let me play you to sleep.

**SIGN ch 9-12**

A chase on the river nets Small.

…Thank God, there’s no treasure at all!

I acquired the pearl

Of my own darling girl;

But for Holmes, the cocaine-bottle’s call.

*******

**THE ADVENTURES OF SHERLOCK HOLMES**

**SCAN**

A king wants _the_ woman brought down.

For her photo, Holmes hires half the town.

Smoke exposes the site

But she flees in the night –

And to Norton (neé Adler), the crown.

*******

**REDH**

“It seems fortune lies in one’s hair.”

But Wilson should be more aware!

If the job pays too much,

It’s a rat-trap. And such

Was the League. But His Grace tripped the snare!

*******

**IDEN**

They met at the gasfitter’s dance.

A chat or two turned to romance.

…’Twas stepdad in disguise

Hanging on to his prize.

Holmes would flog the cad, given a chance.

*******

**BOSC**

The gambit was Hudson’s, the same:

Find the rich man and tell him your name –

And his background of crime

That brought wealth, means a time

You can profit – or die – from his blame.

*******

**FIVE**

Five pips and three Ks. Failure numbs.

Holmes and Watson, too late. Muffled drums.

Americans, pray,

Learn – no good heads your way

When something Orange this way comes.

*******

**TWIS**

A middle-class husband is missed.

A slum-den holds child’s building-bricks.

Beggar Boone’s in a cell

Till a sponge makes him tell –

And the tale, like his lip, has a twist.

*******

**BLUE**

“H.B.” on both hat and bird’s leg.

A goose lays a bonny blue egg.

Holmes points to the season,

Shows mercy. Real reason?

He can’t stand to hear that worm beg.

*******

**SPEC**

Poor Julie dead, crying “The Band!”

A quick trip to Stoke Moran’s land

Showed a plot of raw greed,

And a serpentine deed

That didn’t end as Roylott planned.

*******

**ENGR**

Do they offer at just the right time?

They’ve tracked you, eight times out of nine.

“Our press went kaboom!

Step into this room…”

And one thumb’s forever off-line.

 

*******

**NOBL**

St. Simon is missing his bride!

Holmes hails a cab for a ride,

Has a snack here and there,

And from out of thin air

He finds her – _and_ her husband beside.

*******

**BERY**

A crowning trust, twisted apart.

Betrayal that strikes to the heart.

The bad boy accused

And the good girl was used –

There’s much restitution to start.

*******

**COPP**

A step-daughter, half-dead with stress;

A double to shun suitor’s press,

Lest she marry and dash

So he can’t get her cash:

Just follow the money – success.

**COPP (II)**

Does it sound too good to be true?

Then it’s something that you should eschew.

“I’ll double your fare,

 _If_ you bob your hair...”

One governess, caught in a stew.

 

*******

**THE MEMOIRS OF SHERLOCK HOLMES**

**SILV**

A colt gone before the big day.

A dog that had nothing to say,

Plus a bill for a dress

That shouted “excess”

Cleared it up – killer blazing the way.

*******

**CARD**

Two ears sent in error. We call

On a sister, whose stories appall.

Several tragedies twine,

Leaving Holmes to opine,

“What object is served by it all?”

*******

**YELL**

Strange face at the window. But whose?

Her past life? He wants her to choose.

But Norbury’s lesson,

Has got Holmes confessin’

That pride is a good face to lose.

*******

**STOC**

Is it more than you should expect?

Consider. You could risk your neck.

“Mere hardware research!

Just don’t leave your perch...”

A stockbroker’s rep put in check.

 

*******

**GLOR**

A tattoo scratched out from old time;

A J.P. laid flat from one line –

And the tale they unfold

Proves the adage, oft-told:

Behind each great fortune, great crime.

*******

**MUSG**

A hunt for lost treasure is told:

Trig and death, and an old crown of gold.

And as Watson hears

Of Holmes’ earlier years,

How he treasures the tales that unfold!

*******

**REIG**

Poor Holmes is laid low, ill, in France.

He comes home to rest – where, by chance,

A case over lands

And a note in two hands

Is his rest-cure. He’s back in the dance!

*******

**CROO**

The Colonel’s dead, out of pure fear.

It’s Biblical, that much is clear:

He threw Wood to the foe

For his girl. Now we know

Who was truly the crooked man here.

*******

**RESI**

Must you choose right away, as they tell?

Haste leads to precipitous Hell.

“My resident doc–

OH GOD WHAT’S THAT KNOCK!!!!”

His practise left hanging, as well.

 

**RESI (II)**

If the offer’s so perfect you weep,

Stay clear-headed. Look ere you leap.

It’s no answer to prayers –

The advantage, all theirs.

Disaster is all you will reap.

*******

**GREE**

A captive from Greece on our shore,

Interpreter caught in this war –

But the strangest of all

Is the way you recall

A brother not mentioned before!

*******

**NAVA**

The treaty, gone. Percy’s not strong,

Fears scandal, career all gone wrong.

Holmes reasoned and saw,

Coshed the brother-in-law –

“It was under your arse all along!”

*******

**FINA**

A shadow, a spider, a war.

We flee, exiles on foreign shore.

And I left my post

When he needed me most –

Write no more, John Watson, no more.

*******

**THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES**

**HOUN (1)**

_The Hound_ – Sherlock Holmes’ greatest case!

…Which is weird, ‘cause he fell off the face

Of the story for four

Solid chapters or more,

Leaving readers with nary a trace.

**HOUN (2)**

A horror from legends imbue

All in Dartmoor with terror. “Look, you!

Painted dog, made to scare

Baskerville’s final heir!”

…The first telling of _Scooby-Doo_.

*******

**THE RETURN OF SHERLOCK HOLMES**

**EMPT**

From bookcase I turned. There he stood.

All went grey, and my head hit the wood.

He I lost at the Fall

Never fell after all.

...My dear? This. Had. Better. Be. Good.

*******

**NORW**

Entitlement (male) is a cancer.

He couldn’t take “no” for an answer;

The builder’s frame done

To hang her poor son –

But that thumbprint led to the right man, sir.

*******

**DANC**

A woman’s mysterious past.

A shot, after one mighty blast.

Absurd, simple men

Dance their message again:

“We’ve caught up with Elsie at last.”

*******

**SOLI**

No slavery in England? Not true:

Her fortune is his at “I do.”

I think that it’s hard

That a turn of a card

Makes an heiress his chattel – don’t you?

*******

**PRIO**

A brute and a bastard conspire;

The tracks of a bicycle’s tyre

End in blood-covered gorse

And the bastard’s remorse –

The Duke’s son a mere pawn. Poor Saltire.

*******

**BLAC**

He terrified all that he knew,

Was brutal to family and crew.

Fell to drunk harpooner

(Neighbors all gave a cheer) –

More than one pig got pinned here, it’s true.

*******

**CHAS**

A pirate immune to all tears,

Destroyer of lives and careers –

Till a heartbroken dame

Avenged her man’s name

And sank him, to everyone’s cheers.

*******

**SIXN**

Busts, busted. “A complex,” Doc vowed.

From High Street to docklands they ploughed.

Holmes cut through the whirl,

And found the Black Pearl.

Lestrade isn’t jealous – he’s proud.

*******

**3STU**

Three students – but one took a peek

At an exercise written in Greek.

“Calm yourself, Mr. Soames.

This black track-clay,” said Holmes,

“Proves it’s Gilchrist the athlete you seek!”

 

*******

**GOLD**

No footsteps, and cocoanut mat;

Thick lenses – so, blind as a bat.

Cigarettes (four) smoked fast,

Leave an ash-trail at last –

Just like Norwood, still here. That is that!

*******

**MISS**

A rugger gone missing. His trail,

By bike and by foot, Holmes did fail.

A syringe, aniseed

And a dog on a lead

Solved the heartbreaking end of the tale.

*******

**ABBE**

A grand country home. But inside

Drunk brutality, no place to hide.

 _Vox populi_ rules,

And once more, Holmes proves

To be firm on the murderer’s side.

*******

**SECO**

Two statesmen, a bloodstain or two,

A blackmail, a letter in blue –

And the horrors it told

Of Colonials’ hold

Are once again hidden from view.

*******

**HIS LAST BOW**

**WIST**

Scott Eccles, alone in the place;

His new friend left never a trace.

Garcia is felled

And the governess held –

And the San Pedro Tiger escapes.

*******

**REDC**

A landlady brings Holmes a token:

A lodger, unseen, words unspoken.

To help “lover” Gregson

And his own education

Holmes bares a Red Circle, now broken.

*******

**BRUC**

Big brother needs help once again:

Lost papers, a death from a train.

A trap set for spies

Instead yields a surprise –

Little brother, the cause of this pain.

 

*******

**DYIN**

A fever, contagious by touch,

Killed poor Victor Savage. And such

Seemed to be Holmes’ fate

Till Doc Smith took the bait.

Will Watson forgive this? Not much.

*******

**LADY**

A lady is lost in Lausanne;

Two rogues pawned her jewels and ran.

A burglar and ruffian

Find double-bedded coffin –

And now Green will do what he can.

 

*******

**DEVI**

A rest-cure cut short in Cornwall.

Murder, madness and horror. And all

By a sad greedy thief

Soon avenged by beau’s grief –

But it’s Watson's brave deed we recall.

 

*******

**LAST**

Von Bork played the game well. He mined

Four years’ worth of data – to find

That his maid sent the news

And his Yank friend a ruse…

When he finds out, Wilhelm won’t be kind.

*******

**THE VALLEY OF FEAR**

**VALL (I)**

Moriarty had struck once again –

And Watson had heard of him then!

( _“You’ve heard of him?” “Never.”_

Doyle’s not all that clever –

Ask James, I mean John. Bloody pen…)

**VALL (II)**

Read on, for a tale is now told

Of the coal-country gangs and their hold

On their valley. (I fear,

Just like “Scarlet,” Doyle here

Wished to write some non-Holmes to be sold.)

**VALL (Pt 1, Chs 4-7)**

Holmes questions the people around,

Researches till everything’s found;

A trap nets the “corpse”

(Mr. Douglas, of course).

…Now the backfill. (This one ain’t no _Hound_.)

**VALL (Pt 2, Chs 1-3)**

McMurdo has walked into Hell,

His fierce reputation to sell.

He causes alarm –

But their brand on his arm

Sets the Scowrers at ease. All is well.

**VALL (Pt 2, Chs 4-end)**

McMurdo is Edwards. The trail

Sends the Scowrers to scaffold or jail.

Douglas now in this land,

He escapes as he planned –

But dear me, Mr. Holmes, still you fail!

*******

**THE CASEBOOK OF SHERLOCK HOLMES**

**MAZA**

A bust, and a gem, and a page,

Illustrious client in rage,

Prize sprung as surprise

Like the Treaty. I surmise

It’s a clip-show, Victorian Age.

 

*******

**THOR**

She’s white and she’s pretty – ‘nuff said.

His scorned older wife turns up dead:

Her revenge set to frame

That poor girl for the same.

(If only she’d shot HIM instead.)

 

*******

**CREE**

Old Presbury’s mad as a hare,

Mule-stubborn, and cross as a bear.

His search for lost youth

Only points to the truth:

Love makes monkeys of men, I declare.

*******

**SUSS**

No vampires or ghosts need apply.

See all with a cool reasoned eye:

She was saving her child.

Elder son, warped and wild:

There’s enough human evil nearby.

*******

**3GAR**

A recluse, his surname bizarre,

Is told “Want a fortune? Go far!”

There’s a press unconcealed –

But the great heart, revealed,

Shows where our priorities are.

*******

**ILLU**

A beauty enthralled with a beast

(Kills his women when passion has ceased).

A dish for a King

Led to vitriol’s sting,

And his horrid past now is her feast.

*******

**3GAB**

From the foul words about Dixie’s race

To Bohemian threat of disgrace,

No word is inspired,

It’s lazy and tired –

So who gives a damn for the case?

*******

**BLAN**

A friend, gone. A face white as snow.

His family says, “Let it go.”

No leprosy parts

Two stout, loyal hearts –

But a new wife just might make that so.

 

*******

**LION**

MacPhearson dead, back scored. “The Mane!”

 _Sans_ Watson, Holmes sleuths, but in vain.

Some herrings were red –

 _Capillata_ , instead,

Was the fish that had caused all the pain.

*******

**RETI**

A house too run-down to be quaint

That nonetheless reeks of fresh paint.

The smell it conceals

From a gas-pipe reveals

How he dealt with his faithless wife’s plaint.

*******

**VEIL**

A woman unveils the case:

Infidelity, violence, disgrace.

A murder plot saw

A poor lion, catspaw –

When it backfired, she truly lost face.

*******

**SHOS**

Bob Norbertson’s debts rise in force;

Desperate, he hides sister’s corpse

Till his colt, also hidden,

Is over finish-line ridden –

Here lies more than just one dark horse.


End file.
